haha....黄衫, no problem .... now i remember what you meant about that post...
thank you again for sharing your ideas/work....
have a great wknd!!
y.y. 发表评论于
关于毛的 . . .
hahahaha, come into my mind as "About hair" :)
黄衫 发表评论于
zz,不好意思，你们已经徜徉在未来了，而我却刚从昨天走出来。。。：）你的回答“Maoism, i heard, is also read and welcomed by the Iraqies when protecting their homeland during the American invasion ....”remember? :) 本为避免我的唐突再现，却“弄巧成拙”了，哈哈。我可能偶尔来跟贴，这里刚好先打一声招呼了。：）
刚看到你的翻译，“forgotten country"你用的是“被忘却的故国”，这原在我的迷惑之中的，得到证实，更感动于你的诗意！
zf,agree with you.
Hi yy, nice to be here again. thanks. I learned a lot from all the good works (yours, zf's, wx000's, zz's and sd's) here and enjoyed reading them also.
Have a nice weekend!
wx000 发表评论于
"the voice change from passive to active is interesting"...
yy & zz: a little experiment :)) Thanks for the encouragement!
zf: "轻"中有"重"..."重"中有"轻"...Thanks for the elabration! (坦白从宽) - sometimes i don't know what i am writing.
作舟诗集 发表评论于
黄衫: zz，上次你的贴（关于毛的）....????
Can you refresh my memory please?
:)
作舟诗集 发表评论于
Good job, wx000!!!
I did mine a few hours ago, and I am not surprised to find a couple of same word choices....
Cheers!!
y.y. 发表评论于
like the following words a lot, [forgot saying . . .]
全然， 转瞬即逝， 视野， 消逝的， 痛楚， 已忘故国
hi to Huang-shan too, your voice changes too in the last stanza . . . images are a little different now . . .
interesting. . . nice to share . . .:)
:)
y.y. 发表评论于
good, wx000, thanks for your "water . . .", as i said/"predicted", your word choice would make my eyes wide open. . . still tasting . . .your words are polished :)
indeed, the voice change from passive to active is interesting . . . in the last stanza
:)
wx000 发表评论于
adding some water,
今夜，爱是无言的玫瑰
全然静寂
词语
转瞬即逝
我的视野里
梦的手
握着一只无言
文字的玫瑰
。。。
消逝的芬芳
融聚
。。。
告别自我
追随你
未圆的梦
才发现
我手中的花
淌着血
！
痛楚不过是
已忘故国的
一个幽灵
在夜的裂痕中
悄悄地
静候
爱的
来临
thanks!
z.f. 发表评论于
wish you all the best!!! every-body :)
y.y. 发表评论于
okie, okie,
a - m - waaaaaating
:)
z.z. 发表评论于
hi everybeautifulbody!
enjoy reading all of it!!!
Huang Shan's version is awfully nice too!!!
Also, ZF's philosophical thoughts on languages....
SD, you have musical ears...your version must be interesting for sure!!
hi to YY and wx00....
I am translating too :)
by水滴 发表评论于
I seldom translate ZZ's poem. Your translations inspired me to translate. :)
Will type my version in a few hours. :)
z.f. 发表评论于
Hi to 黄衫, thank you for sharing... 握手！
but I think "忘乡" is not appropriate now...especially with "夜的裂缝里"...
zz: "the problem is the two verbs...they are both transitive....to "look/search" and "to forget"...."
...
z.f. 发表评论于
zz: but in the poem, it is "forgotten"....(thanks...understood!)
wx000: "藏云聚气 :）"
then, what is the next step? :) "太极"? "无极"? :)
sometimes...
"轻"中有"重"..."重"中有"轻"...
the beauty of zz's poems...
every word...every stanza...every whole poem...
my personal observing...only...
消逝的芬芳("轻"?)
融聚？("重"?)
("重"?)遗落的芬芳("轻"?)
I think that is the WAY...
but in this poem, it is "lost"...
in my humble opinion, ..."轻"亦"重"..."重"亦"轻"...
everyone has his/her own WAY....
no better...but different only...
the world is so beautiful because everyone/everything is different...
Each different, Each the same... :)
you have been doing really good on this translation. i like it very much and agree with your words. more translation? not necessary unless for pure entertainment.
y.y. 发表评论于
消逝的芬芳
like this one !!!
聚 seems to have a SOUND of "重力感" too though it's very good!!! :)
thanks :)
indeed i am eager to read your translation . . .pleeeease!!! you have many words that keep my eyes wide open :)
wx000 发表评论于
Fusion of lost
Fragrance
Just some open options,
直接的，“芬芳” 或可理解为气体 –轻盈，飘逸，无形。 而“遗落” 好象有点重力感。
消逝的芬芳
融聚？
消失，消散，消逝，遗失？
聚 – 藏云聚气 :）
z.f. 发表评论于
我以为“夜的裂缝里”有 “abyss”的感觉视觉在里面。。。疼痛之深。。。
“夜的离析”。。。很棒。。。但“离析”（分离，离散）似乎已有某种清醒在其中。。。不及无以名状或无奈的裂之痛和“夜的裂缝里”的疼痛之深。。。被意识 is merely a shadow of the forgotten country 慢慢减轻。。。爱无声无息靠近。。。
Thanks! i am still learning both English and Chinese。
unfinished dream - 未圆的梦？
the fission of Night - 夜的离析？
z.f. 发表评论于
"忘乡" 一词是我创造的:) 不解释那多我想确实难懂:)
我理解你诗歌的原意。。。
我也很认同YY的翻译。。。但我又不想重复不是。。。
我翻译时把昨晚读诗后自己的浮想联翩也加进来"灌水"不是:)
z.f. 发表评论于
yes...we don't like “external standard”...thanks wx000!!! like your words...
z.z. 发表评论于
望乡 & 忘乡 ...
zf, i like what you said....understood!!!
the problem is the two verbs...they are both transitive....to "look/search" and "to forget"....
but in the poem, it is "forgotten"....
maybe i have never heard of the expression "忘乡" before, so i have some doubts....let me think about it ...
wx000,
agree with every word you said....your English is also great!!!! i guess you have studied English for a while?
cheers!!!
z.f. 发表评论于
no...那部日本电影是"望乡"...
我译成"忘乡"。。。
有感于"反认他乡是故乡","日暮乡关何处是"等中文里的“乡”的情节，而旧式狭隘的“乡愁”已非现代人的情节。。。但是无论古今，人的情感是一样的，我理解古人的乡愁情绪其实是“HOME”情节，是 PI 里的趋近情节。。。无论是领域还是国度还是任何一种沉醉，都有PI里的趋近情节和无限情节。。。疼痛皆因不能近或不能及而生。。。如果将“乡”理解成PI 里的趋近情节/无限情节。。。“忘乡”忘记是一种痛，被遗忘也是一种痛，夜成碎片。。。是一种情绪。。。被爱靠近。。。我常常想双关：），但发现词汇很有限。。。
I like yy and zf's both translations. Beautiful!!!
As a reader, in my humble opinion, “comparing/competition", " voting /democracy”, etc. these kinds of “external standard” words do not make any sense in art. Some artists’ work can only be understood by people many generations later.
About translation, for each original poem, there should be many BEST translations. Translation is a re-creation process which inspired by the original. Although in each translation, the use of words can be refined by reader’s review, but each reader/translator’s feeling and understanding toward the original poem is really unique. It is this “uniqueness” makes poetry beautiful and enjoyable. Art is not “yes” or “no” - you know better than me. Art has infinity dynamic dimensions.
A good original poem can have many BEST translations. A less-good original poem may have only one best translation – and it can be done by machine :))
you all have good sense of humor....which is also an art :)
z.f. 发表评论于
okie:)
how about
tonight
the hands of dreams
are holding a silent
rose of words
:)
y.y. 发表评论于
yes!!!
i fully agree with you . . . the "noise" in the poem cannot last . . .
mmm, i will read it LOUD :) zf, please help me pick better words:)
thanks in advance :)
z.f. 发表评论于
hi friends,
i hate "competition"...but really like "to discuss and improve our sense and aesthetics of language. . . "
but this time...i find that my words chosen are very simillar to yy's...
really enjoy reading every beautiful word in this blog...
my sense of humor needs to be improved too...:)
z.z. 发表评论于
y.y.
thank you for bringing up "silence"....with which, i judge whether a poem is "good" or "bad" .... :)
i know you as a visual reader, now i understand why you chose certain words...
even though we are not reading on here, but to read it out loud is still the most helpful with editing ... :)
y.y. 发表评论于
let me rethink about these "涌隐" . . . indeed i visulized "come and go" as tides :) but i know what you mean not colliquial . . .
thanks :)
oh, zf, don't be afraid of "xian chou" at all, here no competition, but to discuss and improve our sense and aesthetics of language. . . really, i mean it
:)
y.y. 发表评论于
thank you:)
as I translated the poem, motions in these two words, fusion and fission, have really amazed me . . . visually . . . the images in "fusion of lost/ fragrance" and "fission of night" contains something ineffable . . . melting, splitting, growing, soundlessly . . . sometimes "eyes" capture some feelings faster than "heart" because "eyes" are not trying to interpret. . . :)
love the internal flow of the poem and the silence invoked in the poem . . . one of the most beautiful poems by you . . .I still love the last stanza the most, you have visualized Pain but make it painless and beautiful . . .
yes! yes! waiting for others’ translations . . . several places in mine I am not satisfied at all. . .
z.z. 发表评论于
"come and go" is almost colliquial in English ...
zf,
this is not "competition".... :)
i enjoy the most when reading translation is to relearn Chinese.....rethink the sense of Chinese we use in poetry....
z.f. 发表评论于
yy, I think "涌隐" is creative...maybe we can change the word "涌" to another word...I like "隐"here....nice translation, well done...i don't need to "XIAN CHOU" again...:)
z.z. 发表评论于
reading it again ... i find this "涌隐" sound a little awkard....
what do you think??
z.z. 发表评论于
y.y.
well done!!
the tone in your translation is captured....really enjoy reading!!!
thanx!!
O, by the way, i realize you are always the 1st to translate....bravo!!!
Hope the lovely spring opens up all your senses :)
SD,
thanks for the music!!!! this is a meditative version of the piece.....i realize that it is the "heart beat" in this piece of music that speaks to people with romantic spirits ..... a universal language .....
the echoing sound of piano travels through the inner sky of a person's consciousness.....like other musical instruments that give out different sounds and have different effects on a human's hearing ....
by水滴 发表评论于
"Romance"
wx000 发表评论于
a silent rose ... a poem ... a dream ... the fission of pain ... the fusion of love ...
