success, or failure ==> win, or loss
rap ==> rapping
7grizzly 发表评论于
回复 '暖冬cool夏' 的评论 : Thank you, 暖冬, for reading, your kind encouragement, and pointing out the typo.
It's been many years since I last read the poem and the second part struck a cord this time. And I thought I'd like to render it so that my boy might like it someday.
That's a big goal and there are a lot to do. This morning, for example, I thought of replacing 'white-haired' with 'hoary.' More revisions might come.
暖冬cool夏 发表评论于
Wow, what a wonderful translation! Learnt a lot like: moonshine, rap and peals of laughter, etc.
Love your use of verbs here, such as "crumble into, melt in ..."
I consulted online to know that "浊酒" means "粗酿的，未经过过滤的粗酒“， undistilled. So your "muddy moonshine" could be just what it implies. "Moonshine" is a new word to me. Thank you.
By the way, a small typo here "heroes":)
