THE REPUBLICANS’ CLOSING ARGUMENT
Posted by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With only one day until the election, the Republican Party today released its official closing argument to the American people.
In its entirety, the argument read as follows: “We’re strongly opposed to FEMA and health care, but basically O.K. with rape.”
Reince Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, said that the Party’s message of “zero tolerance toward disaster relief combined with a more easygoing attitude about rape” would lead the Party to victory on Election Day.
“Our argument couldn’t be simpler: when God wants to create a hurricane or make a woman pregnant, big government should get out of the way,” he said.
The Party chairman said that the closing argument was part of its “expand the map” strategy: “We’re contesting every state, from Pennsylvania to Colorado to Iowa, where we believe there are voters who are in sync with our more advanced view of hurricanes and rape.”
Mr. Priebus also had this message for the American voter: “Your vote is important. We’ve spent billions trying to buy it.”
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muyuxin 发表评论于 2012-11-05 20:31:05
OB虽然领先，但胜算不大。
wish29 发表评论于 2012-11-05 18:07:11
同意Sinart
roliepolieolie 发表评论于 2012-11-05 18:02:17
The fight still going on?
IamHereToo 发表评论于 2012-11-05 17:55:42
转个贴：
Brenda：
It's time for the newly-elected President Romney to begin assembling his cabinet. Suggestions: For Sec. of State: any U. S. Navy seal. Replacement Ambassador to Syria: the honorable Barack Obama. Justice.....NEVER FORGET
b) post123 发表评论于 2012-11-05 12:22:13
(按：他谈的是 Romney 的施政表现)
This is not true. 那次冬奥,财物基本准备就绪,只是因为贿赂的丑闻才停摆.他只是接手,给自己捞政治资本.再说,经商和政府管理根本不同.为什么不拿他当州长说事呢?因为他当的结果是,60%的麻州人不再选他:)
- I love this line! :)
"The way Obama looks, it looks like he's just seen some bad internal polling."
- Yes, I saw some comment that said the same thing: someone driving through Ohio seeing all Romney signs.
"Reason 4: Romney is winning the yard-sign battle, at least in Noonan's eyes."
Reason 1: No one really knows, still.
We begin with the three words everyone writing about the election must say: Nobody knows anything. Everyone’s guessing. I spent Sunday morning in Washington with journalists and political hands, one of whom said she feels it’s Obama, the rest of whom said they don’t know. I think it’s Romney.
Reason 2: The polls might give people an idea. But we can't trust the polls!
Who knows what to make of the weighting of the polls and the assumptions as to who will vote? Who knows the depth and breadth of each party’s turnout efforts?
And, later, Reason 2A: The way Obama looks, it looks like he's just seen some bad internal polling.
Is it possible this whole thing is playing out before our eyes and we’re not really noticing because we’re too busy looking at data on paper instead of what’s in front of us? Maybe that’s the real distortion of the polls this year: They left us discounting the world around us. [...]
A few weeks ago I saw the president and the governor at the Al Smith dinner, and both were beautiful specimens in their white ties and tails, and both worked the dais. But sitting there listening to the jokes and speeches, the archbishop of New York sitting between them, Obama looked like a young challenger—flinty, not so comfortable. He was distracted, and his smiles seemed forced. He looked like a man who’d just seen some bad internal polling.
Reason 3: Romney's crowd sizes are pretty big.
Romney’s crowds are building—28,000 in Morrisville, Pa., last night; 30,000 in West Chester, Ohio.
Reason 4: Romney is winning the yard-sign battle, at least in Noonan's eyes.
And there’s the thing about the yard signs. In Florida a few weeks ago I saw Romney signs, not Obama ones. From Ohio I hear the same. From tony Northwest Washington, D.C., I hear the same.
Finally, Reason 5: Noonan thinks Obama looks "joyless" on the stump.
“Voting’s the best revenge”—revenge against who, and for what? This is not a man who feels himself on the verge of a grand victory... I suspect both Romney and Obama have a sense of what’s coming, and it’s part of why Romney looks so peaceful and Obama so roiled."
“Do you know that Romney paid over $4M in donations in 2011? That is 29.4% of their income for the year!”
--- Good, most $4M go to his church and why he refuse to reveal his full income tax.
“Wake up people! Don't be fooled by Obama's 1% and 99%. He just wants to divide voters for class struggle to ensure his re-election.”
--- You reverse the OUTCOME and CAUSE:
it is not Obama want to divide voters for class struggle, the cause is the wide gap, the class struggle is OUTCOME of the wide gap between 1% and 99%, it is unacceptable anywhere and anytime in the world.
Appleface 发表评论于 2012-11-05 14:02:58
坚决支持有头脑有见识有分析力度和深度的人士＂学下海的土鳖＂
kiwisepp 发表评论于 2012-11-05 14:00:21
for those who vote for Romney. Do you know which Romney you vote for.
The current GOP is a mixture of US Taliban and KKK. Like who they are, Todd Akin, Mourdock, Trump,Palin, Bachmann. "c" grade Bush.
Remember, for Republic, your yellow skin color is even disgusting than a black color. Even though you belong to top1%, you still need to keep a distance from GOP.
This election is like DisneyLand Movie, in which an idiot always win over a Rascal.
When the dust finally settle down, we shall know God's Decree, whether to punish America for his departure from Gods'way and let Momen to rule over land of America, or God continue shining His glory in America and cast the Momen IDOL away from White House.
lewinsky 发表评论于 2012-11-05 13:18:04
这一场选战很像 DISNEYLAND FAＩＲＹ Ｔａｌｅ： 笨蛋最终战胜坏蛋！！！
当尘埃落定时，人们将知道神的旨意是要让摩门教统治惩罚美国因为偏离祂的道，还是让摩门偶像远离白宫，and GOD continue blessed America.
穿高跟鞋的猫 发表评论于 2012-11-05 13:17:41
Do you know that Romney paid over $4M in donations in 2011? That is 29.4% of their income for the year!
That brought his total tax and donation to 43% of his income!
Wake up people! Don't be fooled by Obama's 1% and 99%. He just wants to divide voters for class struggle to ensure his re-election.
