How to Live a Truly Rich Life: A Letter to My Kids (ZT)

Dear Helena and Lucas,

When I was growing up, my family and I spent a lot of time shopping. Some of those weekend afternoons were spent looking for deals at malls – to which we had to drive for an hour because we lived in a small town – but mostly we went window shopping. We would browse tiny antique boutiques in charming tourist towns, or luxurious coat sections and cosmetic counters of high-end department stores. Likewise, we would often drive around the neighborhoods built on the local country club, admiring the columned colonials and eaved tudors.

These excursions had two messages. One, that there were things out there that we could not afford, and those things represented a better life. While my mom spent a lot of effort making my two brothers and me feel loved and special in many important ways, window shopping for things that were better than what we had told me that the people who could afford them were better than me.

The other message was that there is happiness in things. If life in our tiny rental were tense or stressed, somehow those homes and trench coats and china would make things right. Those possessions promised a worry-free life. They also took away responsibility for being happy regardless of finances.

By osmosis, I learned that things equal worth at its most profound level. The message was that money equals happiness.

When I grew older and started earning my own money, I quickly found that money can indeed be a fantastic asset. But money’s greatest power is not its ability to help you acquire pricey furniture or luxury cars.

One of the greatest luxuries money has afforded me is the ability to not worry about whether the rent check will clear. That position affords me sound sleep, which allows me to be an energetic, engaged mom to you. Having a little money in the bank also empowers me to make financial decisions from a place of confidence rather than fear or envy. I am more likely to take strategic risks to grow my business, which gives me joy, creative fulfillment and pride. Having enough money gives me the peace of mind to blow off work on a sunny spring weekday afternoon to take you out of daycare and fly our dragon kite at the park.

You may notice how little I like shopping now (when you need new sandals or a bike tire pump, I just go online after you’re in bed and buy what we need). I’m proud of our pretty apartment, and appreciate my few good pieces of jewelry. But letting go of any urge to invest in expensive or precious things relieves me of the stress those things can induce – especially as the mom of little kids. After all, if I replaced our threadbare rug with a lovely Tibetian masterpiece, I would lose my mind with every drop of finger paint or raspberry that landed on its fibers. If I splurged on an expensive cashmere coat, I would be less likely to rumble around the jungle gym with you, or take you sledding.

Contrary to the lessons I internalized when I was a child, fewer things, I’ve found, equal more freedom and more flexibility – both of which are the foundation of a full, rich life. And I’ve found that, like any asset managed well in its truest sense, money can indeed bring a measure of happiness -- but in a deeper, more real way than I understood as a kid, and in ways I hope you will carry you through your own lives.

Love and riches to you both,

Mommy

....................................................................................

Happy Mother's Day to you all, my dear friends!
 

 

[素锦流年]

回复ShanShan33的评论:

33, 有一天和一个朋友聊到马斯洛的需求理论，他冲口而出， 嗯，保暖思淫欲啊。。。 哈哈。。。

[ShanShan33]

马斯洛的人类需求金字塔，把人的需求分成生理需求、安全需求、社交需求、尊重需求和自我实现需求五类，依次由较低层次到较高层次。

当人的生理需求和安全需求都没有满足的时候，钱作为一种工具和手段是必不可少的，那个时候对于钱的追求和向往会在人的意识中占着非常主导的地位。当最基本的需求满足了以后，钱的重要性就降低了，因为钱不是万能的，钱可以买到生活的舒适，却买不到爱，买不到幸福；钱可以买到前呼后拥，却买不到发自内心的尊重和真正的友谊。钱可以买到价值连城的古玩字画，却买不到真正的鉴赏力，以及由懂得欣赏带来的无比的快乐。。。

这位妈妈写的真好，真的是一个有智慧的母亲！

谢谢好文分享，祝素锦和楼下各位周末快乐！

[素锦流年]

回复九月独处的评论:

九月, I agree with you that "love to make money" and "love money" are two different concepts, but sometimes it's hard to draw a line between them. hehe...

thanks for swinging by. i have been reading two investment books, The Clash of the Cultures: Investments vs. Speculation and The Battle for the Soul of Capitalism, both are written by Vanguard founder John Bogle, - just wanted to make my money work as hard as i do.... haha.....

[九月独处]

In my opinion, one's capability in earning money is important, the greater the better... yet, one's ability in living a life without being a slave of money is fantastic, the greater the happier... "Love to earn money" and "Love money" are two very different things! :-)

素锦，来看看你，最近好吗？！～～有什么新书可以推荐？～～

[decentdreamer]

幸福与否与金钱的多少不是成正比的”
没有对错，因为每个人对幸福的定义和价值观不同。

[素锦流年]

回复雪影云痕的评论:

雪影，我同意你所说的。人真的是在贫穷的时候才会对物质有极大的渴望，而且幸福与否真的与金钱的多少不是成正比的。 但是这也要自己去体会，所以这位妈妈说，I hope you will carry you through your own lives.

[素锦流年]

回复梅兰松竹的评论:

松竹，i'm glad you like the post. you know i thank my daughter all the time for giving me the chance to be a mom and to learn how to be patient. i pray for wisdom everyday so i could provide perspectives and insights to this young lady...

[雪影云痕]

Contrary to the lessons I internalized when I was a child, fewer things, I’ve found, equal more freedom and more flexibility ━ both of which are the foundation of a full, rich life. And I’ve found that, like any asset managed well in its truest sense, money can indeed bring a measure of happiness -- but in a deeper, more real way than I understood as a kid, and in ways I hope you will carry you through your own lives.
------------------------------------------------------------素锦好！我特别喜欢这封感人的letter，已经把它打印出来了。写信的人真是一个
wise mother。
读了这篇ZT让我想起自己的经历：17-18年前我一无所有来到NY，站在曼哈顿5th Avenue，看着那些华美的商店，我发誓一定要在NY做医生，我告诉自己将来我一定要到这些商店去买我喜欢的东西。一年半后我在NY做了住院医生。17年后我重返NY，早已有了足够的经济能力去买自己想要的东西，可是我什么都没买，因为该有的都有了，而
这时的我更在乎享受生活中的幸福快乐。我的体会是：人在最初奋斗的动力是去挣足够的钱让自己有一个好的生活，可是当达到了这最初的目标后就会明白：money is essential for a good life, but there are a lots of more important things than money。Rich life is not equal to rich in money。
谢谢分享！
祝素锦和梅兰母亲节快乐！

[梅兰松竹]

Contrary to the lessons I internalized when I was a child, fewer things, I’ve found, equal more freedom and more flexibility – both of which are the foundation of a full, rich life. And I’ve found that, like any asset managed well in its truest sense, money can indeed bring a measure of happiness -- but in a deeper, more real way than I understood as a kid, and in ways I hope you will carry you through your own lives.
------------------------------------------------------------

What a WISE mother! It also took me quite some time to figure this one out---Money is essential for a good life. Learn to be its master, not its slave.

素锦，Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. love the youtube, too, full of energy~~

Happy Mother's Day to you! Stay young and happy!