1 你好，水手
The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, tyro naval student.
"What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"
"I'd throw out an anchor, sir.”
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, sir.”
"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"
"I'd throw out another anchor, captain.”
"Just a minute, son, where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"
"From the same place you’re getting all your storms, sir.”
一个头发灰白的老船长在测验一个从海军学校毕业的新手。
“如果船的右弦突然刮起了暴风雨，你会采取什么措施?”
“我会抛锚，先生。”
“如果船尾也刮起了暴风雨，你会怎么做?”
“我会再抛一个锚，先生。”
“那么如果船头第三次刮起了暴风雨，怎么办?”
“我会再次抛锚，船长。”
“等一下，孩子。你到底从哪弄来那么多锚的?”
“从您弄来暴风雨的地方，先生。”
2 礼物该给谁？
A father of five children came home with a toy , summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present， "Who is the most obedient, never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?"
He inquired.
There was silence, and then a chorus of voices: "You play with it, Daddy!”
一位有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集起来问这件礼物该给谁。“谁能最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么?”他问道。
大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说:“爸爸，您玩吧。”
3 忠告
My father's health was greatly impaired after a serious operation, but his sense of humor was intact.
"Teddy, "the doctor told him, "You know you won't be able to work the way you've been used to."
" Well, doctor, "said my father, "if I won't be able to work the way I've been used to, you won't be able to charge me the way you've been used to !"
手术后，我父亲的健康状况有所下降，但他的幽默感却依然如故。
“泰德，”医生对父亲说:“你知道，你可不能像以前那样工作了。”
“大夫，”我父亲说:“如果我不能像以前那样工作，你也不能像以前那样向我索价了。”
4 分享
As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories, prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene, they must go to bed and stay there.
One night, after a particularly trying day, all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies, milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people, standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked, "Do we relent or stick with the rules?"
Our three-year-old piped up, ”Stick with the rules, Mom. "
Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed, I asked, "And what are the rules, Melisa?"
"Share with one another, "she replied.
作为一个每隔两年生一个小孩，现已是三个小孩的母亲，我到晚止时常感列精疲力尽。他们的父亲和我给孩子们订下严格的规定:讲完故事、祈祷、喝水、上厕所之后，他们必须马上上床睡觉。不许再干别的事。
一天晚上，经过了一番努力，三个孩子终于钻进了被窝。我来到了厨房想吃点饼干，喝点牛奶，独自呆一会儿。我刚想放松一下，就被三个孩子团团围住。他们站在那儿盯着我吃东西.我转向他们的父亲问:“我们还要不要遵守规定了?”
我们三岁的小孩说:“妈妈，还是坚持按规定做吧！”
我知道她不想去睡觉，就问:“玛丽莎，那么规定是怎么说的呢?”
“有福同享。”她回答说。
5 去天堂
Sunday school teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up, don’t you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.
星期日学校的教员:想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来……你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢，你不想去天堂吗?
哈里:我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。
6 幸运?
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized, adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
"I don't know how lucky that is, "my husband replied.”I' m the doctor. "
有一天我丈夫走路去上班，被汽车给撞了。我丈夫伤势不太重。司机向他道了歉，随后又说:“你太幸运了，我们就在医务室附近。”
我丈夫回答说:“我并不感到有多幸运，我就是那儿的医生。”
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